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Chapter 7 of 9

Their Next Chapter is a site for parents and teens working out what comes after high school. If you're new here, start with how it works.

When your family's situation is different

Lots of families don't see themselves in the standard version of this conversation. This chapter is for them.

The short version

Being first in your family to do this is an information gap, not a values gap. The help is free.

With an IEP (Individualized Education Program) or a disability, your teen has to ask for accommodations at college and at work.

Staying close isn't a failure to launch. If your teen leans toward what the family wants, ask "Is this your reason too?"

If your teen lives in two homes, agree on who holds the check-in date, and let your teen choose who gets the plan.

In every one of these, the choice is still your teen's. What changes is what you work around and who you call.

A lot of advice about life after high school pictures one kind of family: a parent who went to college, a teen without a disability, a plan that's some version of move out and go. Plenty of families don't match that picture, and they don't need to. Read only the part that fits you.

Whatever's different about your family, the finish line is the same: a decision your teen makes and will stand behind, plus one small real step toward it.

If you're the first in your family to do this

If neither parent went to college, or went but didn't finish, a lot of the machinery is unfamiliar: the forms, the deadlines, the words that don't mean what they sound like. That gap is about information, not values, and it's common. In 2011-12, about a third of college students had parents who never went to college at all, according to federal data.

The gap is worth closing on purpose, because it's linked to real differences later. One federal analysis followed students who started college in 2003-04. Three years later, 33% of those whose parents never went to college had left without a credential, compared with 26% of those whose parents had some college and 14% of those whose parent held a bachelor's degree (National Center for Education Statistics). That's a group pattern, not a verdict on any one teen, and it's a good reason to ask for outside help early.

Start with two facts. First, the sticker price isn't the real price. Economists Caroline Hoxby and Christopher Avery found that high-achieving students from lower-income families very often don't even apply to selective colleges that would likely cost them less, after aid, than the schools they do apply to (National Bureau of Economic Research, 2012). The number on the website is the price before aid. What your family would actually pay is the number that matters, and the college's own net price calculator will estimate it for you.

Second, the help is free. The FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) costs nothing and opens the door to the Pell Grant, which you usually don't repay. The most a Pell Grant can be is set fresh each year, so check studentaid.gov for this year's amount (Federal Student Aid). Application and test fees can be waived for lower-income students through your counselor and groups like NACAC. Federal TRIO programs like Upward Bound and Talent Search, and a separate federal program called GEAR UP, exist to walk first-generation and lower-income students through exactly this. Funding and local availability vary, so ask your school whether it hosts one.

College is one path among many. About 43.1 million people in the US were in the "some college, no credential" group as of July 2023: they started, didn't finish, and some are carrying debt with no degree behind it (National Student Clearinghouse Research Center, 2025). For some families that math makes a trade, an apprenticeship, a job, or starting at community college the sound choice, and for others a four-year degree is. None of this steers toward or away from college. The aim is to get the real numbers on the table, instead of the scary ones, so your teen can own the decision.

If you're the teen reading this: being first doesn't mean you're behind. It means you're working this out first, and whoever comes after you in your family gets to ask you. Asking a counselor "what am I missing here" is a strong move, not a dumb one.

If your teen has an IEP or a disability

For your family, there's a second process, a formal one written into law, and it's easy to miss parts of it. Under the federal IDEA law, your teen's IEP has to include measurable goals for life after high school, covering education or training and a job, starting with the plan in effect when they turn 16. The IEP team can start it younger if that's right for your teen, so it's fair to ask. Your state can also set an earlier start for every student with an IEP, so ask the IEP team what age your state uses (IDEA regulations, US Department of Education). Your teen is meant to be in the room for that planning and to help shape it.

Then come two shifts that catch parents off guard. At the age of majority, which is 18 in most states, federal law lets your state move the rights you've held under IDEA to your teen, unless a court has found your teen unable to make their own decisions. The IEP team can tell you how your state handles it. At least a year ahead, the IEP has to say your teen has been told which rights will pass to them (Center for Parent Information and Resources). And IDEA itself ends when your teen graduates with a regular high school diploma or ages out, which can be as late as 21 depending on your state (Congressional Research Service). If your teen might need more time in school, ask the IEP team about your state's rules before accepting a regular diploma.

College and the workplace run on different laws, Section 504 and the ADA. Those guarantee access and reasonable accommodations, not the individualized services an IEP provided. The burden flips too. In high school, the system had to find and serve your teen. Afterward, your teen has to disclose the disability and ask for accommodations, and an old IEP doesn't automatically count as proof (Congressional Research Service; U.S. Department of Education, Office for Civil Rights). This can feel like a loss. It's closer to your teen stepping into adult standing and becoming the person who speaks for themselves.

Real help exists, and it's easy to miss:

If people around you are raising guardianship, it isn't the only option. Supported decision-making lets an adult with a disability keep the legal right to make their own choices while getting help from people they trust and choose (Administration for Community Living). It's a less restrictive alternative, and worth understanding before anyone signs anything. This is a real legal decision, so treat what's here as general information, not legal advice, and get a professional's read.

You don't have to learn all of this alone. Every state has at least one Parent Training and Information Center, funded under IDEA, that helps parents understand their child's rights and answers questions about transition (Center for Parent Information and Resources; 20 U.S.C. 1471).

Your own role shifts here too. For years you may have been the one who called the meetings, filed the forms, and made the case. Now hand that over on purpose, a little at a time, so your teen has done it with you before they have to do it without you. Ask the school whether your teen can lead their own next planning meeting, then sit beside them and let them do the talking. In a randomized study of 130 secondary school students with IEPs, those taught to run their own meetings did more of the talking and led their meetings more often (Martin and colleagues, 2006). Let them make the phone call while you're in the room.

A word on outcome numbers: they exist, they're often old, and they describe groups, never your teen. In a 2015 national report built on a federal study that followed students through 2009, about 58% of young adults on the autism spectrum had worked for pay between high school and their early 20s, and about 36% had attended college or other postsecondary schooling in that time (Drexel University). That's an old snapshot, with enormous variation from one person to the next. Use it to argue for support, not to predict a single life.

If you're the teen reading this: once you're a legal adult, 18 in most states, the meetings usually become yours. That can feel like a lot. It also means you get to say what you need and pick who helps you. Practicing "here's what works for me" now makes college, a job, or training smoother later.

If your family does things differently

Some families expect their young adults to stay close: live at home a while, put money toward the household, help with younger kids or the family business. That isn't a failure to launch. Staying near your people while you build your own life is a full version of growing up.

Deciding with your family isn't a failure of independence, either. In a study of 573 Chinese 10th graders, how independently a teen made everyday decisions had no link with how well they were doing. What went with doing well was whether the reasons felt like their own, and that held whether they decided alone or with their parents (Chen and colleagues, 2013). So if your teen leans toward what the family wants, ask "Is this your reason too?" rather than "Did you decide this yourself?"

If money or family need is shaping what's realistic, that's part of the decision, and a teen who weighs it is making an adult calculation. Name those constraints out loud, together, so your teen is choosing with the real picture in front of them instead of guessing at what nobody has said.

Timelines differ too, sometimes for real reasons. The brain development linked to focus and planning follows a later schedule for some teens, including many with ADHD (Shaw and colleagues, 2007). A later schedule doesn't mean your teen is broken. When a real difference is in play, more structure, closer check-ins, smaller steps, and more patience all count as support, not control, as long as they help your teen carry the decision instead of taking it over.

One caution for this whole chapter: don't hand your teen a diagnosis they didn't ask for. If something seems off, that's a reason to talk with a professional, not to decide on your own what your teen is.

If your teen lives in two homes

If you and the other parent agree on the plan, what's left is logistics, and it's easy to leave to chance.

If you and the other parent see the path differently, that's a different problem. Two homes, or two parents who see it differently covers it.

The one thread through all of it

First in the family, a disability, a household that stays close, a teen on a slower clock: the useful question doesn't change. What decision can your teen make and stand behind, and what's one small step they could take this week to test it? Your situation tells you what to work around and who to call. The choice still belongs to your teen.

If you want to work through this in order, try the tool at /start. It starts from your teen's own answers and helps turn all of this into a next step you can both live with.

Where these facts come from (27 sources)

Every figure is dated and linked so you can check it at the source. Last reviewed October 2026.

  1. National Center for Education Statistics, First-Generation Students: College Access, Persistence, and Postbachelor's Outcomes (2003-04 starting cohort and 2011-12 data, published 2018)
  2. Hoxby & Avery, The Missing 'One-Offs': The Hidden Supply of High-Achieving, Low-Income Students, National Bureau of Economic Research (NBER Working Paper 18586) (2012)
  3. Federal Student Aid, U.S. Department of Education (2026-27 award year)
  4. National Association for College Admission Counseling (NACAC), Fee Waivers (accessed 2026)
  5. U.S. Department of Education, Federal TRIO Programs (accessed 2026)
  6. National Student Clearinghouse Research Center, Some College, No Credential (2025) (June 2025; data as of July 2023)
  7. Chen, Vansteenkiste, Beyers, Soenens & Van Petegem (2013), Autonomy in family decision making for Chinese adolescents: Disentangling the dual meaning of autonomy, Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology 44(7), 1184-1209 (573 Chinese 10th graders, urban and rural; everyday decisions; one point in time)
  8. IDEA regulation 34 CFR 300.320(b), U.S. Department of Education (accessed 2026)
  9. Center for Parent Information and Resources, Age of Majority (with IDEA 34 CFR 300.520) (accessed 2026)
  10. Congressional Research Service, The Rights of Students with Disabilities Under the IDEA, Section 504, and the ADA (R48068) (September 2025)
  11. Center for Parent Information and Resources, Young Adults in Transition: VR Services (accessed 2026)
  12. Illinois Center for Transition and Work, Brief Overview of WIOA's Pre-Employment Transition Services Requirements (accessed 2026)
  13. U.S. Department of Labor, Office of Disability Employment Policy, Competitive Integrated Employment (accessed 2026)
  14. Administration for Community Living (ACL), Supported Decision-Making Program (accessed 2026)
  15. Center for Parent Information and Resources, Find Your Parent Center (accessed 2026)
  16. Martin, Van Dycke, Christensen, Greene, Gardner & Lovett (2006), Increasing student participation in IEP meetings: Establishing the Self-Directed IEP as an evidenced-based practice, Exceptional Children 72(3), 299-316 (130 US secondary school students with IEPs; randomized; meeting behavior)
  17. Drexel University, National Autism Indicators Report (2015) (2015 report; NLTS2 data collected 2001-2009)
  18. Shaw et al., Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder is characterized by a delay in cortical maturation, PNAS (2007)
  19. U.S. Department of Education, Assistance to States for the Education of Children With Disabilities, final regulations, 71 Federal Register 46540, at 46667, comment on 34 CFR 300.320(b) (a State could require transition services before age 16 for every child it serves under IDEA) (August 14, 2006; accessed 2026-10-12)
  20. U.S. Department of Education, Rehabilitation Services Administration, State Vocational Rehabilitation Agencies (VR agencies in all 50 states, DC, Puerto Rico and four territories) (accessed 2026-10-13)
  21. 34 CFR 361.48(a), Scope of vocational rehabilitation services (pre-employment transition services are available to students with disabilities whether or not they have applied for VR) (accessed 2026-10-13)
  22. U.S. Department of Education, Office for Civil Rights, Students with Disabilities Preparing for Postsecondary Education (a college must provide academic adjustments but not a free appropriate public education; the student has to ask; an IEP is generally not sufficient documentation) (2011 pamphlet; page reviewed October 2, 2026; accessed 2026-10-14)
  23. U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, Fact Sheet: Disability Discrimination (covered employers must make a reasonable accommodation for a known disability unless it causes undue hardship) (issued 1997; accessed 2026-10-14)
  24. 34 CFR 361.45, Development of the individualized plan for employment (written on state forms; signed by the individual and approved and signed by a state VR counselor) (accessed 2026-10-14)
  25. 34 CFR 361.5(c)(9) and (c)(15), Applicable definitions (competitive integrated employment; an employment outcome is competitive integrated employment or supported employment) (accessed 2026-10-14)
  26. 20 U.S.C. 1471, Parent training and information centers (not less than one award in each State; help parents understand IDEA rights and transition needs) (accessed 2026-10-14)
  27. Federal Student Aid, Avoiding Student Aid Scams (the FAFSA form is free) (accessed 2026-10-14)