For you
This part is for you
Maybe a parent sent you this link, maybe a friend did. Either way, here's the straight version. Most of this site is written to parents, about you. This page is written to you.
The tool here helps you get a clearer read on what you're drawn to, what matters to you, and what you might try next, so you can choose with better information instead of under pressure. It isn't a test, and nobody's grading it. Look around as much as you like, and close the tab whenever you want. We'll act like we didn't notice.
Not knowing yet is on time
If you don't know what you want to do yet, you're not behind, and "I don't know yet" is an answer you can start from. Plenty of people your age haven't settled it either, and working it out is what the next few years are for. What to avoid is grabbing something to get people off your back, or because someone expected it, without checking whether it fits you.
First answers change a lot anyway. A Statistics Canada survey followed young people from age 15 in 2000 to age 25 in 2010 and asked each time what job they hoped to have at about 30. Only about 1 in 10 named the same kind of job every time. More than 1 in 3 gave a different answer at 25 than they had at 23.
Stuck? Try one small thing this week
If your friends are already applying or packing up to leave, it's easy to feel like the only one without a plan. Choose the smallest of these you'd actually do:
- Cross off the paths that are a clear no for you.
- Spend a day with someone doing work you're curious about.
- Sign up for one class or a weekend workshop.
- Pick up a few shifts somewhere.
- Have a ten-minute talk with someone a year or two into a path you're thinking about. Ask what an ordinary week is like now, and what's harder than they expected.
Videos and chatbots are fine for a first look. Before you cross a path off because of something one of them said, or something an adult remembers from years ago, check it with the school, the program, or someone doing the work now.
One question that helps when you're stuck: if your best friend were in your exact spot, what would you tell them?
Scared of picking wrong? A change of course is information, not a failure. Read the stories of people who changed course.
More ideas are on Getting unstuck, which is written for parents. If you're curious what your parent might be reading, What you might be hearing goes through answers like "I don't care" and "You pick," what might be behind them, and how a parent can respond to each.
To see how this can go between a parent and a teen, Five families has five stories, each told by both of them.
Already decided, or leaning somewhere? Good.
Maybe you already have a plan, or at least a hunch: a trade, the military, a job, art, college, starting something of your own. That counts as much as any other plan. You don't have to win an argument about it. What helps is checking it against what you actually want and what it actually takes, so you can back your own call instead of second-guessing it or letting someone talk you out of it. Check it in the tool. If you're 17 and planning to enlist, you'll need a parent's consent. The Military service page has more.
This one's your call
What comes next is your decision, not your parent's and not ours. The group chat gets a vote only if you give it one. A parent can help you think it through, and so can your school counselor. Neither gets to pick for you, and we built this whole site around that.
You can pick another adult to bounce this off: a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, a coach, a teacher, a boss. If a parent offers to set something up, you get to say who, or say not yet. We ask parents to show you the message before they send it, and then not to ask what you talked about. And when a relative asks what the plan is, a short answer is fine: "I'm still figuring it out. I'll tell you when I know."
If you have an IEP (Individualized Education Program), you can ask to run your own planning meeting about life after high school. It's a skill you can learn, and students who learned it did more of the talking and led their meetings more often.
Bringing your parent in, on your terms
Most of what your parent knows about your day-to-day life is what you've chosen to tell them. So you get a say in how they come into this, and when. A few moves that can help:
- Say what you think in a sentence, and give your reason.
- Show you heard their worry before you answer it: "I get that you're worried about the cost." Then ask what they think instead of demanding a yes. In one study, mothers who read about a teen pushing back this way were more willing to say yes. Expect more pushback on anything that feels like a safety question to them.
- Ask for the kind of help you want: "I just need you to listen" or "I want your honest take."
- If now's a bad time, ask for a later one: "Not tonight. Can we talk in a couple of days?" A fight or a rough day tends to spill into the next day or two.
- Tell them how a talk went for you. Parents tend to think their parenting is going a bit better than their teens do, so they may not know unless you say.
- It's fine to keep some things to yourself for a while, and you don't have to bring everything up on your own. Just try not to keep them from everyone: tell someone you trust. If your parent does ask straight out, answering briefly and truthfully tends to go over better than dodging the subject.
These come from studies of parents and teens, mostly a bit younger than you. None of them tested teens trying these on purpose, so treat them as a place to start.
Your plan in the tool has a spot for this: what help you want from your parent, and how and when they should bring it up. It goes on your copy of the plan only if you choose.
Around 18, schools and doctors start dealing with you
At 18, or as soon as you start college, your school starts dealing with you directly instead of your parents. Your doctor does too once you're a legal adult, which is 18 in most states. Day to day, that mostly means you're the one who books the appointment and emails the adviser. If you want to keep a parent in the loop, you sign a short release for each place, usually one for school and one for your doctor, and that gives them access back.
If it's your friend who's stuck
Ask about one thing they could try this month. Offer to bring them along to something real, like a class or a volunteer shift. It's fine to tell them how you chose, doubts included. Skip "so what's the plan?" and don't sell your own path. If it helps, send them this page. And if it's more than plans, if they've stopped sleeping well, seeing friends or doing what they used to enjoy, tell an adult you trust, like your school counselor. If school's out, any adult you trust will do.
None of this has to happen today. When you do want to start, it starts with you. It's about ten minutes of questions on what you've done, what you like doing, what gives you energy, and where things stand for you. Then you get a picture built from your answers: a few kinds of work worth a look, and some small things to try. You can stop anytime, and change your mind as many times as you need.
Want to talk to someone? You can text or call a trained volunteer in their twenties through NAMI's free Teen and Young Adult HelpLine, at nami.org.